Busy doing nothing
I can’t believe it’s been so long since I posted anything! Furthermore I couldn’t say why exactly. It doesn’t feel like I have been doing anything at all lately except for trying to find a job (with no luck). I’m bored of being at home all day with nothing to sink my teeth into except the fortnightly grocery shop, it’s a sad existence I know. Occasionally throughout the last few months I found myself messing around with Illustrator and have created a few nice images of nothing in particular.
I have a habit of creating patterns and images from various shapes, this is one that turned out like a flower. I quite like this one.
I turned 30 this month rather uneventfully. I really couldn’t face making a big thing out of it, discovering just how few real friends I actually have didn’t appeal oddly enough. It was a nice day with the family and a Dad cooked lunch, random chat and a few bottles of wine. I enjoyed it far more than I would a night out getting legless dreading the aftermath of a hangover.
On the BPD front I can safely say things are looking more under control. I haven’t been on any meds for months and the psychiatrist has discharged me. I still see the councilor at the moment, although that will be coming to an end in the next few weeks. I have been meditating on a regular basis which seems to have played quite a considerable part in dealing with it. Contemplation without judgement helps to put a clearer perspective on my thoughts. Feelings are still somewhat of a struggle but it’s still early days. Loving-kindness meditations have been helping me to refrain from my selfishness, doing things because they help somebody else to be happy has the side effect of making yourself happier in the process. Mindfulness has been generally useful to help focus on the now rather than the past. While the past offers good lessons to move forward with it should remain past. When it comes down to it all we have is now. Past influences the now, the now influences the future. It does not define.
That’s probably my cue to shut up before weirdness sets in for the count. I know it’s inescapable with me but I can at least spare you from my truly random ramblings! Well, maybe just a little 
