Turning Point
Writing hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind this past month, loosing my job has made me think seriously about what I want to do with my life. I have mixed emotions about it all to be honest, a huge part of me is angry and bitter that they couldn’t see the person in front of them, just the fact that I had been ill and therefore not at work. I couldn’t begin to explain to them that I had been dealing with all the abuse I had suffered over the past thirteen years. It just feels as though after seven years of working for them they finally managed to push me out in such a petty way, while other people, whether genuine or not are still there and still continue to take the Michael. I’m now unemployed during a world financial nightmare just before Christmas, great.
On the flip side I was never happy there, the job was something I took while I was still married just because we needed the money at the time, in the end it did bring me more stress than it was worth. Maybe it’s the push that was needed to make me actually look to the future. I have done a lot of reflecting of late and come to few not so shocking conclusions.
Life just seems to be stacking up behind me with no clear direction. Since leaving school and home in 1995 I have spent all my time and effort on surviving the hear and now, moving in with my then boyfriend got me out of the parental feud scenario that we seemed to be stuck in, working those crappy jobs just to earn some money. Then i fell pregnant and priorities shifted to making sure my son had what he needed. I guess what I needed didn’t really get the chance to surface. After we split up I met somebody else, unfortunately there was no time to consider my personal future then either. I fell pregnant after about two weeks of us seeing each other and so the cycle continued, I do what is needed not what is wanted. People always ask me if I regret having the children, and the answer is simple. No. I don’t know many parents who would say they did. The only regret I have is having them so early on in my life and the circumstances they were born into, I wouldn’t change them for the world.
