I would like to take the opportunity…
… To apologise to anyone anywhere that I may have ever offended, alienated, crapped on or generally been a bitch to.
I realise I made some bad choices. I also realise that none of you actually knew me. Neither did I. All I knew was that I couldn’t be alone, yet I couldn’t be with other people either. Relationships with me became a tug of war and I let go of the rope, turned around and never looked back. I didn’t exactly make it easy to let people back in, in fact I think I probably made damn sure that wouldn’t happen by treating people like that in the first place.
I dealt with life on my own. I couldn’t trust other people with the inner workings of my brain for fear of being judged, disliked and eventually dropped like a ton of bricks. I ran before that could happen.
I have “issues”
My perception of events does not always tie in with other peoples and I know it. The thing is there are quite a few “Me’s” and one of me knows I’m impulsive, manipulative, and bloody clever. *Edit – Obviously, that’s why I wrote cleaver the first time round*. Read the rest of this entry »
Make it stop
I’m a mess
I can’t think clearly right now, there’s just too much shit swimming around in my head. I missed my appointment with the councillor this morning. The other half forgot and didn’t wake me up until 9 (my appointments was at 9:30). I rushed my ass off to try and get there. Amazingly at 9:27 i was up and dressed and what a surprise… I can’t find my keys.
Emotionally i have been very unstable since the holiday. It turned to shit like so many of the things I do or try to do. I spent the last day looking after a very sick man, two children and 6 heavy bags. To top that day off nicely we spent most of it either sitting around waiting for trains that weren’t even scheduled to stop at the station we were at (something to do with the works and the fact that on line booking wasn’t as “up to date”. It’s the god dam Internet for Christ sake, how hard can it be to update??)
My new desktop
I finaly completed somthing…i’m in shock. I created this as part of the new website design, but i liked it so much i made it into my desktop.
If anybody is reading..please let me know what you think! Thanks 
A new beginning?
The time to get of my big lazy ass is now. I have finally taken a first step towards my new start in life, as opposed to sitting here writing about it and moaning that it needs to be done or just randomly browsing the inter-web and doing nothing with the information i find.
I have made some enquiries about some part time Art/Design college courses in the area. Being a mature student and having a GCSE in art “should” mean that i would have no problems getting on a course, it’s just the financial aspect of things and work that will dictate whether it’s actually possible. I’m just waiting for the college to get back to me.
It’s something i have been thinking about and meaning to do for some time now (ten years is long enough to count as some time isn’t it?) It’s not just yet another thing I’m jumping into on a whim that I’m likely to get bored with and ditch like most of the other things i do in life. Right now i am very determined and motivated to make this happen.
Fingers crossed, my journey may actually be taking a turn for the better (that sentence doesn’t sound right to me, I’m sure there is a word out there that would be more fitting, but I’m a tad excited and can’t think of it right now so bugger it!)
Watch this space!
