Part 2 is sat there gaining cobwebs; it’s just not that easy to allow my mind to be where it needs to be. How can you type things you can’t bring yourself to think about?
I will write it, just not yet.
In the meantime…
I was pondering. Mental illness’ are such an unexplained field. The question why has never really been answered. Is it possible that it is all part of the next step of evolution? Read the rest of this entry »
I need coffee for this; I’m not really in the mood. However I did promise myself I would keep this up so a swift kick up the arse and a click of the kettle later let’s see what we get…
After the initial mention of some kind of personality disorder I did some research, made my previous post and didn’t really think much about it since then. I received the copy of what is sent to the GP about a week ago, and it was quite an interesting read. It seems she is leaning towards Borderline Personality Disorder or Emotionally unstable personality disorder (same thing different name, from what I can gather). Don’t let the title deceive you. It sounds simpler than it is. To quote the introduction of the Borderline personality disorder publication from The National Institute of Mental Health website:
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and the individual’s sense of self-identity. Originally thought to be at the “borderline” of psychosis, people with BPD suffer from a disorder of emotion regulation. Read the rest of this entry »
Maybe it’s the overtime, maybe it’s the time of the month, maybe it’s because I keep forgetting my meds, maybe it’s because I need to escape, maybe I ask too many questions.
Why is it I feel I’m spending my time doing the same things day in day out? I don’t mean what I do; I mean the way I do it. I always fight myself; make myself do things out of what? Stubbornness? If I’m so determined to change things why do I keep giving up when I get started? Is it because it gets tough? Read the rest of this entry »
Music can make you feel alive. I’m listening to Snowpatrol - Make this go on Forever, and I realised the whole mood of a song can just take over you like it’s seeping through your veins. I close my eyes and I am stood there watching them live, my heart pounding with emotion. For the first time in my life I felt right. I felt connected. I felt alive and I was back there.
I was where I belonged; being myself with a man who I never believed existed. Spending a night in the most random hotel room, eating Chinese at midnight and walking around hand in hand in the rain. Read the rest of this entry »
I don’t really know where to begin, I can’t actually be bothered to write but I know I should at least try. Last week I had my appointment with the consultant. It went better than I expected, I felt a little more at ease talking to her than I did last time. We still don’t know exactly what it is, but it seems like she might have an inclination. She gave me some information on Personality Disorders, and having read through it I can see why.
What are the different types?
Personality disorder can show itself in different ways. The DSM-IV-TR (The American Psychiatric Association’s manual of mental disorders) lists ten types. Each one is linked with a different set of attitudes, emotions, and behaviours. While some people will have only one type, other people may have elements of two or more. Read the rest of this entry »
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